You Need Not Do This Alone
If you’re anything like me, you will think you can do it all. You will think that because you are intelligent and because you have made it this far and done pretty well (if you do say so yourself), everything is fine and you can figure out this life on your own.
If you’re anything like me, perhaps you already have (at least a little).
And yet, even if you have, to continuing going at it all alone is a dangerous way to build a life — to remain an island, to armor up and continually dig deeper the moat around you which has already been dug.
Dangerous not because you won’t physically survive (though even that is not guaranteed), but dangerous because with every inch dug, your heart disconnects just a little more, and what is this life if we are to remain physically alive but emotionally and spiritually dead?
An Imbalanced System
There is a widely-held societally accepted belief that our emotions play second fiddle to our actions. Despite how many people talk about mental health and how much work has been done in the space by a good many humans, we are still a far ways away from learning to revere the very essence of who we are and how we work on a mass scale.
If you don’t believe this, you need not look farther than the way we have structured the majority of our lives: a consistent, 5 days per week work-week which honors neither the ebb and flow of healing nor the cyclical nature of everything that breathes.
(I should note, I do not write this to say that what we have created is wrong or negative in any way, but rather to point out the very deeply systemic way in which mainstream society does not support the emotional and spiritual evolution of humans; it is more a matter of “this is what we have done and so this is what has happened” rather than a judgement on any of it).
To further illustrate this point, you can take a look at what happened when the world plunged into a pandemic over two years ago: for many people, it was the first time there was space to slow down and explore more. Not of the external world — but of the internal.
Slowing down is exactly what will give space to do this, and the results have been speaking for themselves: people are tired of the system, and it is showing up in cultural phenomenons we dub with words like “quiet quitting” or in the way more people than ever before have been leaving corporate life to pursue their dreams (the “great resignation”).
We are a race in deep need of healing, and while some of us have been figuring it out and making our way to a life that feels more aligned and full than before, many of us are still in dire need of help and education.
The Courage to Walk Together
Without knowing, on a visceral level, that we cannot go at life alone and expect to feel fulfilled, we will remain islands — seeing one another only from a distance, sharing only a shell of who we are, and forever wondering if any of this is actually worth it or why we are even here in the first place.
No man is an island, John Donne once wrote (in 1624, no less).
Whether or not he knew it then, John Donne was right in more ways than one, for the healing we need can only take place when we begin to lay down our walls and allow ourselves to be seen.
Every unexpressed emotion we hold within is dying to be seen. Every experience we have ever been through and pushed down our real feelings about is still there; these slow, subtle monsters which feast on our hearts are longing for us to give them voice — our most shameful, painful, and uncomfortable thoughts of what we have been through are just waiting to see the light of day.
Those of us who know, know. There is nothing more transformative than baring the thoughts which feel most uncomfortable to you in front of another, allowing that person to see a darkness you’ve long held within, and being seen by that person in love, without judgement and with a deep respect to the process of how we all work, which is this: our emotions, which are never inherently either good or bad, simply need to be expressed. They are meant to move through, rather than stay stuck within. Healing happens when we allow them to finally continue their path and release them by shining light on what they are.
The more we can do this — the more we can allow ourselves to be seen, the more we can see.
It is a beautiful compounding of healing our people and our earth in little steps, one by one (as everything always goes), and it is a very tangible, real way in which one human can, in fact, change the world. It is, as I’m sure you have read before, the only way we actually can.
No man is an island.
You need not go at it alone; you need only take the first step, to lay down one brick of one wall, and begin to let in the very real magic that exists when you give space to share your inner voice in a container which holds no judgement, but only love.
——
At this time, I’d like to offer resources for such spaces of love, but the truth is that the spaces I have found have tended to come about as a result of deep friendship or paid work with similarly-hearted souls. It is a personal thing, to feel safe enough with another human to give words to your darkest thoughts, and so, all I can offer is this: try it first with a trusted friend, someone who supports you (the real you). If you do not have someone like that in your life, find people online who you resonate with, who share and give words to experiences like yours, who are gentle and kind, who believe in humans, but who are firm and sovereign in who they are, and sign up for some time with them, in whatever way you can.
Ask, and ye shall receive.
Ask, and trust that it is given.
Ask, and allow the universe to work her magic.
All shared in love,
Cristina
AUTHOR’S NOTE#100daysofwriting | 13 of 100 | These words are part of a series of 100 pieces I am challenging myself to write. Will the words be perfect? No. Will they be done? Yes. As a life-long recovering perfectionist who loves to write but fears subpar work, to write with such frequency and disregard for most standards except the one that asks, is it published? will be an adventure, to say the least.
Topics, I’m sure, will span the breadth of seriousness to silliness, will cover the grounds of spirituality to observations I may make in a nail salon, but truthfully, there are no promises in such a challenge, except to say that yes — they will be done.
You can keep up with my writing challenge by following me on Medium, subscribing to my email list, or finding my on Instagram (likely where I’ll be most easily found).
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