On Being Reborn (Part 2 of 2)
The truth is, I am still very much in a stage of becoming myself. I don’t have it all figured out; I don’t have all the answers.
What I do have is this: a Knowing that everything we can imagine ourselves to be is possible and a deep faith that each intentional step we take is a step towards becoming the fullest, most embodied, and brightest expression of ourselves.
It is with this Knowing that I will share what I know about being reborn.
Writer’s note — part 1 about dying is here.
Being reborn is extremely uncomfortable
Not unlike the real, physical birth of a new baby, becoming who you really are is going to be very uncomfortable because it is a marked, conscious decision to move yourself from a space of surviving to the wonder of thriving. As you become aware of and let go of the parts of yourself that no longer serve you, you are left with some space; a blank slate, of sorts.
It’s a bit like those old etch-a-sketch games: maybe your first go at it you just twist and turn the knobs without any real direction or purpose, only to look at what you have drawn with a feeling of ‘hm, this is not quite what I had in mind’, shake the whole thing up, and begin with an empty screen again.
Because you have spent so long in survival mode, you will not (at first) know what to do with this empty space. It will likely feel so uncomfortable, in fact, that you will be tempted to (and may even begin to) resurrect your old self, because you simply do not know how to move forward in any other way.
If this happens (as it likely will), rest assured—your human mind and body are actually functioning as designed. Which is why…
It takes effort
It would be naive to say that letting go of everything that is not you and allowing yourself to be everything that is would ever be easy.
It’ll take effort, as learning anything new does.
If you don’t quite remember the definition of effort, here it is for you:
ef·fort a vigorous or determined attempt.
What is, perhaps, particularly important about this is that much of the world today is designed around you needing to do as little as possible (as a 10-year long veteran of the design and tech industry, I can attest to this first hand). In other words, if you engage in western, modern culture in any extent at all—you are continually being programmed to exert as little effort as possible. Just look around—all it takes today is the flick of a thumb or the push of a button to “do” something. And, what’s more, is that this trend is only continuing to grow (another piece of writing for another time).
It takes practice
The reason letting go can sometimes feel so hard is partly because whatever part(s) of you you are bidding adieu to have likely been running the show for so long that they actually became an ingrained part of you, and learning to “ungrain” them will take repeated effort (ie, practice). It’s a bit like walking a beaten path in the forest—the path that has been walked many times is easy to find and walk on, but the path that is new will need repeated walks to make a mark on the ground. Over time, as you walk the new path, eventually the old one will become overgrown as the new one becomes easier to find, until you can no longer even see what was once there (science calls this phenomena neuroplasticity, if you’re interested in learning more).
Role models are vital
When you’re faced with that empty space, what you fill it with will likely only go as far as what you believe to be possible for yourself, which is why role models can prove so important at this stage. Who do you look up to? Who do you respect and admire? Who has shown you a way of living and being that echos the kind of person you would feel excited to be?
Support is also vital
Those who love You — those who truly love the truest part of You — their support and encouragement is what’s going to help you navigate your rebirth and eventually flourish. As I’ve mentioned before, we don’t do anything alone. Allowing yourself to be supported as you grow into this new version of You is going to help keep that old, outdated version of you at bay while you’re learning to walk this new path. It’s going to help you jump timelines and realities, because when you ask for and allow yourself to be supported, you are healing and releasing the parts of yourself that you’ve been too afraid to show before; the parts that created the old version of you which you are now letting go.
Support comes in so many forms; sometimes it is in the people around you, like a new friend you weren’t expecting to meet.
Other times it will come in the form of a book that falls upon your lap, or a message you read on a wall.
And still, other times it will simply be the whistling of the wind as the universe speaks to you, or the warmth of a ray of sunshine on your cheek.
Rebirth is a cycle
What you will find, as you walk this new path, is that being reborn happens in layers. Every layer shed brings with it both the revelation of more layers and the opportunity of new growth. As long as you are breathing, the cycle will continue. There is no final version, no last time or chance for you to be reborn.
With time, you will look back at yourself in awe at the path you have walked and the person you’ve allowed yourself to become. It won’t have been easy, it won’t have been clean or straightforward or even inspiring in moments — but — it will be you; it will be your path, your story, the legacy of your soul here on earth—created one, small step at a time.